i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
