i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
