He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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