Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
