upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
