he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
