she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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