I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
