Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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