just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
