Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was born a porn star she said
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
