I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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