3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
