I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
