Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
