Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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