is your mom at the bar?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
her facebook's as public as her vagina
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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