shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
