Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
