I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
