My first STD was from a foam party
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize