his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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