How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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