dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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