just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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