I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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