For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
