I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
