Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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