I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize