Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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