maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
