Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
