Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yo dont text me then not text me
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
