My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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