imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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