Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
