I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
