My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize