I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
