i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
