I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
