I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize