what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
