the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
