I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
