the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
