I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
