SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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