Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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