Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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