yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
