i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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