used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
