the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize