So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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