She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
