go do what you do best...puke behind churches
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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