hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
