Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's always time for handjobs
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
