It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
