Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
