my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
