She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
