I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
