I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
