somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
