4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
