Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize