just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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